The holiday season is upon us. The tradition is that we both give and receive gifts. Many of us also increase our charitable donations, volunteer our time doing acts of kindness, or we are simply present for others because those who are “dear to us” gather “near to us once more.” The altruistic ideal is that we practice self-less or sacrificial giving which is “other centered,” to the benefit of others, and that we do so out of pure motives.
It is ironic, then, that in the song “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” we are scolded to “better be good” not truly for goodness sake but because Santa has us under constant surveillance, he is making a list of who is “naughty” or “nice” and if you want presents and not a piece of coal for Christmas you need to be on the nice list. 😊. For goodness’ sake!
- We give to others because they give to us—a mutually reciprocal relationship we should celebrate.
- We act out of duty, obligation, or a sense of virtue informed by our faith and values.
- We may donate our time, talent, or treasure to our loved ones because “that’s what family does for each other.”
- We are moved by pity or compassion for those less fortunate.
- Beneficence relieves negative feelings and increases our powerful sense of worth, self-esteem, and purpose.
In pursuit of the altruistic ideal, we may be under the additional illusion that we have to be moved by deep waves of genuine sympathy or compassion to have “pure” motives of giving. In other words, generosity must be heart-felt and spontaneous in the moment. While spontaneous, heart-felt generosity is wonderful, the research is clear: the most consistently generous people don’t wait for deep waves of sympathy. They incorporate giving as an intentional, guiding principle in their daily lives, ensuring it happens regardless of their current emotional state. When we act on our faith or on a virtue this has been demonstrated to increase positive emotions, and a stronger sense of identity and purpose.
When we engage in acts of kindness, whether volunteering at a local shelter, offering hospitality to a neighbor, or making a charitable donation, our brains reward us with a neurochemical high, sometimes called the “helper’s high.” It makes us feel good and encourages us to repeat these behaviors. Neurochemicals like oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins—released within our bodies and brain—reduce our experience of stress, anxiety, and depression. Higher levels promote feelings of contentment and well-being.
“Paying it forward” or “giving back” are also expressions of gratitude for the many blessings we have in our lives. When we are thankful, giving flows more naturally. There is wisdom to the saying that we give out of our abundance, not out of our lack. This does not mean that we must be wealthy in order to be generous but that we are rich in many ways such as our health, our happiness, talents, time, and compassion, such that these reservoirs spill over when we share them with other people. The generosity of one person also has a ripple effect of inspiring others to do likewise.
The next time you are inspired to give—whether it’s time, a talent, or a gift—reject the pressure of having a ‘pure,’ self-sacrificial motive. Give for goodness sake and for your own sake. Embrace the fact that your generosity is hardwired into your being; it is beneficial not only for the recipient but also for your own health, happiness, and longevity.
