By Tim Walsh, M.A., L.P.; DPA, Executive Director of Beauterre
People tend to project an idealized image of themselves on social media, carefully choosing and editing content to showcase a perfect version of their existence. Over the last 15 years, this trend has coalesced into a single popular phrase: “living my best life.” This trope is ubiquitous, appearing in books, songs, social media captions, and even sermons. Today, when people refer to their “best life,” on social media they are often displaying possessions, fabulous vacations, an idyllic retirement or a version of “following their passion” that looks like an epic adventure of self-expression and originality.
But experts who study the psychological toll of digital culture point to a darker reality. According to research on social comparison, the act of measuring our “behind-the-scenes” footage of our real lives against everyone else’s “highlight reel” creates a breeding ground for anxiety, depression, and a chronic Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). We become dissatisfied with our reality because it doesn’t match the filtered, idealized images on our screens.
In popular culture, the “Best Life” standard has become performative—a stage production of constant image management that demands an audience. Chasing this mirage across an ever-retreating horizon is as exhausting as it is unsatisfying. Instead, let’s pivot toward a more enduring, realistic compass found at the intersection of ancient wisdom and modern psychology: The Good Life.
What is “The Good Life”?
The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley describes a “Good Life” as the holistic integration of physical health, personal autonomy, and deep well-being. It isn’t a permanent state of high-energy happiness; it is a state of profound life satisfaction anchored in meaningful relationships and a vibrant spirituality. Crucially, the Good Life embraces the “messy” parts of being human. It is the honest balancing of ups and downs, grief and joy, dreams and reality. It is the quiet appreciation that, despite life’s adversities, our lives are—as we say in Minnesota—”good enough.”
Is there a map to the Good Life?
One proven pathway is found in a simple truth: Character is destiny. As the famous adage by Frank Outlaw reminds us: “Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
According to the VIA Institute on Character, there are 24 universal “character strengths” valued across history, ranging from bravery and kindness to wisdom and humility. Like our fingerprints or genetic code, each person has a unique profile of these strengths. They are inner virtues that can be developed through practice. When we act upon them, we experience lasting emotional states of integrity, self-worth, and achievement. Strengths provide the engine for achieving a good life. Our signature strengths express what is best about us. I encourage the reader to take the character strengths assessment at: https://www.viacharacter.org/.
The Compass of Values
To amplify the most important point, we must act on our strengths to experience the benefit of Good Life outcomes and that’s where our values come in. We are what we continuously do and what we continuously do reveals our values. Values provide the “why” for “what” we do. Dr. John Demartini, a specialist in human behavior, provides a method for determining these values by looking at how we actually live. Our true values are manifested by how we prioritize our time and money, what occupies our thoughts, what fills our personal space, and the goals we persistently pursue. This process of “bare honesty” reveals a hierarchy based not on what we should care about, but on the tangible evidence already present in our daily lives. Further, I encourage the reader to take the human values test, developed by world-renowned expert Dr. Shalom Schwartz at: https://www.idrlabs.com/human-values/test.php.
The Integration
True success in experiencing the Good Life is found in the mastery of character—the deliberate alignment of our daily habits with our deepest values. We often think of character as something we are born with, but it is a set of mastered habits. If we are not experiencing the positive outcomes that result from living by our values, it may be time to stop asking if we are living our “best life” and start looking at our alignment. Perhaps we have not yet identified our greatest strengths or acknowledged our true values. The Good Life is found when we align our actions with what leads to lasting health, personal autonomy, and spirituality that provides life with genuine meaning.
