In his latest article for Southern Minnesota Magazine, Tim Walsh, M.A.,L.P., the executive director at Beauterre, reminds us that perfection isn’t the goal — being “pretty good” is often just fine, maybe even freeing. Tim writes about the ingredients that make life meaningful.
As Minnesotans, we have a particular style of expressing our well-being. When someone greets us with “How are you doin’?”, we typically keep our responses reserved and low-key.
If we’re having the best day of our lives, we might offer a subdued “Oh. Pretty good.” If we’re just being polite, it’s “Good. And you?” If we’re content, we say “Can’t complain.” If we want to ever so subtly hint that we are not doing altogether well, we could say “could be worse” and less subtle is “Well…better than the alternative”. If a person answers with an enthusiastic “Couldn’t be better!”—that’s a strong hint they might not be from around here. I’m kidding.
When a loved one sincerely asks us how we are they would like to hear more than a surface reply regarding our moment-by-moment happiness based on our current mood, circumstances, or health. Happiness in this sense comes and goes. On a deeper level, we understand that short-term “good days” or “bad days” are distinct from an evaluation of our life as a whole.
It’s this deeper, more enduring state of fulfillment, purpose, virtue, and contentment that historians believe Thomas Jefferson was referencing when he named the “pursuit of Happiness” as one of our unalienable rights in the Declaration of Independence. Modern science, in its study of overall well-being and life satisfaction, wholeheartedly agrees.
The Allure and Limits of Instant Gratification
Scientific research into what it means to “flourish” or “thrive” consistently highlights the need to distinguish between short-term happiness and long-term life satisfaction.
Short-term happiness is often rooted in pleasure and comfort-seeking. These activities—think a sugary treat, social media scrolling, or binge-watching TV—increase excitatory neuro-modulators in our brain, such as dopamine. These natural chemicals are rewarding; they boost motivation, attention, and excitement. They’re good for their function, and the consistent experience of positive emotions is, indeed, one measure of life satisfaction.
However, a life whose sole goal is instant, short-term pleasure is one destined for disappointment. Instant gratification activities share a few common traits: they are quick “hits” of enjoyment, the payoff is instant, it requires little effort, and the focus is often self-centered.
The problem lies in hedonic adaptation—the body and mind’s response to overuse and overstimulation. When pleasure-seeking becomes habitual, our body builds up tolerance. The receptors for our “happy chemicals” reduce, and over time, the depletion of these neuro-modulators can cause mood disorders.
People often try to overcome tolerance by layering pleasures or increasing the intensity of the activity, which eventually leads to anhedonia—the inability to experience pleasure or positive emotions at all. A life chasing constant highs ultimately results in a flatlining of happiness.
The Ingredients for a Life Well-Lived
Short-term pleasures have to be kept in a balance. Research on life satisfaction points toward factors that require long-term perspective, sustained effort, and often involve sacrifice.
Perhaps the most extensive study on this topic—the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has tracked thousands of lives for nearly a century—lands on one definitive conclusion: strong, fulfilling relationships are the number one determinant of lifelong health and wellness. Strong ties with friends, family, and community are the foundation of a good life.
Other key ingredients for life satisfaction include:
- Religious and Spiritual Practices: reports of greater life satisfaction, protection from bad habits, physical and mental health, deep and satisfying relationships, sense of meaning and purpose
- Life purpose and meaning: Having goals that give direction to your life
- Satisfying work or accomplishments: Engaging in activities where you can develop and use your skills
- Physical well-being: A nutritious diet, regular exercise, and sufficient sleep
- Financial security: Having enough to meet your needs and reduce stress
What do all these factors have in common? They are not quick, instant rewards. They require effort, stress, challenge, endurance, and coping. Theodore Roosevelt said: “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”
The key to the effective pursuit of enduring happiness is this: Life satisfaction is the byproduct of a courageous life well-lived, not a goal to be instantly grasped. This way of living is its own reward, resulting in a deep state of fulfillment, purpose, peace, and love and that sustains our efforts toward meaningful relationships and goals. So, we can offer a humble “Pretty good” when asked how we are and know deep inside that it is true.
