Children who grow up in families with active Substance Use Disorders and other addictions often report the pain associated with distortions of truth told by parents and care givers. “Dad is just angry because he had a tough day,” “Mom didn’t pick you up because she wasn’t feeling well” …
As a mental health provider who has worked for over 40 years with people who lived in homes with active addiction, I have seen the psychological challenges created by the gaps between one’s observations and how it is explained by those in authority.
While the lies and distortions may seem benign in their efforts to “protect” children from understanding challenging adult realities; the consequence is that they cause significant issues with trust of others and an ability to openly acknowledge their own feelings and insights about their world.
This dynamic is not limited to families struggling with active addiction. It is also a phenomenon in cultures in which reality is distorted by gaps in perceptions of organizational and community leaders. We have all laughed at the story of the “Emperor’s New Clothes;” where the community, in its fear of his reaction, makes believe that the Emperor is wearing beautiful clothes when in fact he is naked. The inverse story is our community’s current experience.
- When we see a man held on the ground by several heavily armed Federal workers and then shot multiple times and we are told the deceased person was at fault, many people struggle to reconcile what they see with that description.
- When we see what appears to be racial and cultural profiling and we are told that the intention is to make our community safer, many people struggle to accept that the behaviors are a reasonable model for immigration reform.
- When we see trusted reporters and neighbors trying to observe what is happening and they are sprayed at close range with pepper and tear gas and we are told that they were domestic terrorists, many people struggle to reconcile their observations and experiences with that explanation.
While interpersonal violence in our streets is very disturbing in its own right, the gap between our perception of the context of our experience and what is being said causes significant psychological discordance and emotional distress. That psychological distress is present regardless of whether we support the Federal workers stated goals or believe that their mission is immoral.
Knowing that scared people, even those in uniforms, sometimes do horrible things is painful, but a reality that most adults can reconcile within a democracy with a functional justice system.
But when people cannot reach a common perspective on a shared experience it is much more traumatizing. It psychologically undermines one’s trust that the world will be safe, much as is true for a child in a home with active addiction.
It is good to see CEOs and politicians begin to focus on a peaceful path forward for our community and State. As a behavioral health organization, EOSIS knows that healing begins with truth. Individuals, families, and communities cannot recover when reality is denied or distorted. We remain committed to naming harm and supporting those most impacted. Healing will require coming to a shared community belief about the value of human life and a recognition of the inherent dignity and worth of every person.
Lewis P. Zeidner, PhD
Chief Executive Officer
